Dear The Hapsburg Dynasty

4/12/08
4/12/08
That’s right, I’m not post-dating crap for this entry!

Dear the Hapsburg Dynasty

We just left your former capitol and are currently on a train across Germany to our next destination: Stuttgart.
Of course Vienna is still the capitol of Austria, it’s simply the former capitol of your Hapsburg Empire, alternately known as The Austro-Hungarian Empire, or The Holy Roman Empire (neither Holy or Roman, actually) or sometimes referred to as Most of Europe. World War I pretty much put an end to all of that empire stuff, didn’t it? Not such a Great War for you Hapsburgs, huh? Though you did have a pretty good run as a dynasty for about a millennium.

I know there aren’t really any Hapsburgs of any note left behind, but I write to thank you for our few days in your old stomping grounds. Vienna specifically, not just Most of Europe. The architecture throughout is beautiful and ornate. Each corner we turned provided another picture-postcard-worthy shot for my talented photographer girlfriend.

Now, as we depart Vienna there does remain one single, overriding impression:

We fucking get it!
You fuckers were rich and powerful, we fucking know! You’ve made your fucking point!
Seriously, does every fucking doorframe and window sash need to be a beautiful fucking work of art dedicated to the fucking glory of your fucking god via the glory of the fucking Hapsburgs? Jesus Christ! Literally and figuratively! You waged some good fucking wars and arranged even more smart fucking marriages! Yeah, we fucking know! You controlled most of fucking Europe and were able to tax and oppress the fuck out of enough people to foster and hire the best fucking artists and craftsmen from all over your fucking empire! It’s so fucking beautiful I’m literally snotting all over myself. LITERALLY! Fuck!

Best of love to your entire anti-Semitic family, particularly to that fat prude Maria Theresa who inspired such strategic placements of fig leafs and flowing sculptural drapery.
Rob & Jenn